After some deliberation, I think that one of the biggest changes I need to make is becoming present. In all aspects of my life. For a long time now, I have been avoiding conflict and serious self-reflection by disassociating and keeping my brain focused on something easy (internet, reading, mindless activities). Even cleaning is a way for me to avoid reality.
So, I see the problem. I really need to get in the moment, really listen, and really see. But how do I begin?
There is an unlimited supply of knowledge when it comes to being present. Mindful. Focusing on the now. I find that I often need a trick of some kind to remind me of my task at hand (another thing that being present will hopefully help). My brain wanders, and I am not really here. I would say that I am only ever really here about 5% of the time. The rest of the time, I am lost in my thoughts, organizing them, remembering, analyzing, and becoming burdened by the weight of all of this. Life should not be this complicated.
I just read something that may help me -
As I begin each day, I must remind myself, “Erin, stay where your feet are.”
If I keep my attention on the place where my feet reside, I have a better chance of remaining in the here and now. What’s here and now is all there is, so we’re told. (from tinybuddha.com)
Reminding myself where my feet are. That sounds easier than hoping I will remember to be present. If I can think of my feet, I will see that I am here, now, and not in my thoughts of yesterday or tomorrow.
I need this. I am going to start right now.